The Yoga Bully

The Yoga Bully

An unfortunate incident happened earlier this week where a mean spirited grumpy old man shouted at me. At yoga. A fellow student, (or not so fellow yog-ee, if you will).

Yes people, bullies happen everywhere – not just in the school yard. Even in the wonderful spirit-balancing realms of yoga class, you are not safe!

You see, i happened to forget to switch my cell to silent.
Oops.

i know i know. My bad.

It managed not to come up for a full 88min’s of the 90 min class, but then, just as we were all breathing deeply in our cooling down ‘dead-man-pose’ position, the muffled sounds of the TingTings escaped from my hand bag. “That’s not my name! That’s not my…name!”

i jumped up immediately and shut the wretched thing off…feeling very stupid of course. But the class seemed not to notice and continued its last 2 min’s of deep breathing. The instructor gave us all a nice big smile, a prayer position head bow and a ‘Namaste’, ending things off.

And then BAM! Before i even had a chance to get up off my mat, Mean Spirited Grumpy Old Man was standing over me, screaming! i was so stunned and shocked that at first i wasn’t entirely sure what was going on. i can't even really recall the words he used, but it went something like this:

“WHAT KIND OF IDIOT BRINGS A CELL PHONE TO YOGA! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE IT ON! YOU HAVE JUST RUINED MY WHOLE DAY!!!” and i was taken down in a hail of hate-speech while the whole stunned class looked on.

i apologized as quickly and as urgently as i could, saying i’m soooo sorry and it wont happen again and i really am so sorr-

But he didn’t want to hear it. He stormed off, rolled up his mat, and then came back for a second attack on his way out.

By now my mortification had caught up with me, and with the added trauma of being shouted at so robustly, so openly, so aggressively! all i wanted to do was cry. i gulped down my tears as he spat and shook, and watched helplessly as his face turned red then purple with the anger.

But i ask you... This right after he had just done a 90min yoga class?

Wow.

Now i know i was in the wrong to begin with. i made a mistake and really should not have left my phone on. But come on, its YOGA! Not lawyers taking the bar! And it’s the ‘mommy’s’ class technically, with a bunch of housewives who all have toddlers at school or at home with a nanny and who need to be contactable at any given time, as most mommy’s do. The instructor knows this and so doesn’t have a problem with cell phones. But clearly grumpy old man does.

Another phone actually started ringing earlier during the class too. While we were all in the middle of our downward dogs, the yoga instructor cracked a joke about “Hey, there’s a doctor in the room?” and we all laughed and moved on to ‘plank’. The cell phone owner didn’t jump up to turn her phone off, incriminating herself in the process - she just let it ring. The ringing carried on till we were in 'Warrior One', but it didnt bother us. And of course, she didn’t get a verbal beating. Smart woman, who ever she was.

But sadly i wasn’t that savvy. Hence my drive-by yoga attack. Anyhow, as soon as Angry Man had huffed and puffed and blown out of the room, a whole bunch of the other students came rushing up to me asking if i was ok and saying how sorry they are and how bad that was of him. i was trying desperately not to cry so couldn’t talk much or be comforted for too long, but i did call a friend strait after (who usually also takes this class) to tell her all about it in tears. She strapped on her shining armor and went into ‘Defend’ mode full force! She called the instructor, the gym management and even the class coordinator to complain! Apparently she knows of the guy ‘cus he’s done this before. And the last time, the poor little thing he yelled at actually DID burst into tears in front of everyone.

Some men were just 'born this way'

The gym said that he complains regularly about all kinds of things, so unfortunately he's just one of those people who are never happy. Clearly he has anger management issues and is a bully who never got it knocked out of him when he was young. What kind of man picks on women like that? On anyone actually! He demands respect in the most dis-respectful way possible, and should not be allowed to keep doing it. i would LOVE to stand up to him and say something smart and cutting ("Excuse me Mr Angry Man, Yoga clearly isnt working for you. May i suggest medication?) or just , oh i dont know, PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!

Of course, after the fact, i came up with MANY a hot little biting come-back, or what i should do next time i see the yoga bully (stage a mass cell phone ringing epidemic where every member of the class’s phone rings at the same time)…but you know how it is. All the bravado that exists in our heads always seems to drop their boxing gloves and hide in corners shivering when we need them. Ugh.

But i guess if i retaliated, then i would be just as bad. 

Woooooo saaaaaaaahhhhh!

Anyway, after a few tears, a few laughs with my highly indignant friend and a promise of ‘acute bodily harm to the guy if i just say the word’ from Husband, i decided to rather forgive old Yoga Bully and focus on things that make me happy instead. Here is a short list i made this morning:

1. Husband. His broad shoulders are great for giving those really big bear hugs as well as work wonders for the imagination (when one is visualizing bullies being thumped down to size)

2. My Japanese snow boarder funky ski socks. So wooly and warm! And with playboy-cover stars all over them ;)

3. My ‘office’ – and my co-worker. We don’t judge fluff in our working space – we encourage it!

4. My piano teacher. She’s my age, dresses the same as me, likes the same things as me and most importantly speaks the same language! Not English (though she does speak English…it would make lessons really colourful if she didn’t) but ‘Music Nerd’. She is the only person i can talk music with for hours on end without any eye-rolling, any boredom or any confusion. We can have a full on conversation about Imogen Heap’s beautiful use of dissonant chords, or the genius behind Beethoven (and she “Wow’s”, “Amazing’s” and widens eyes emphatically in all the right places!) And when we use the phrase ‘Harmonious Amazonian’s’ we are not referring to their zen state of mind and well balanced being.

5. The view outside our window. The picture says it all. *sigh*

This weekend Husband is taking me away for some fishing, which means serene scenery, rolling green hills and fresh mountainey breathing. AND nice red wine by the fire while spotting satelites and shooting stars. All good for the soul. So i am very thankful that i can put Anger Man's abuse behind me and spend a little time relaxing in nature.

Again, *sigh!*

Love, lust and fairy-star-dust

Cherry Blossom