Saturday, 30 July 2011

The Yoga Bully

The Yoga Bully

An unfortunate incident happened earlier this week where a mean spirited grumpy old man shouted at me. At yoga. A fellow student, (or not so fellow yog-ee, if you will).

Yes people, bullies happen everywhere – not just in the school yard. Even in the wonderful spirit-balancing realms of yoga class, you are not safe!

You see, i happened to forget to switch my cell to silent.

i know i know. My bad.

It managed not to come up for a full 88min’s of the 90 min class, but then, just as we were all breathing deeply in our cooling down ‘dead-man-pose’ position, the muffled sounds of the TingTings escaped from my hand bag. “That’s not my name! That’s not my…name!”

i jumped up immediately and shut the wretched thing off…feeling very stupid of course. But the class seemed not to notice and continued its last 2 min’s of deep breathing. The instructor gave us all a nice big smile, a prayer position head bow and a ‘Namaste’, ending things off.

And then BAM! Before i even had a chance to get up off my mat, Mean Spirited Grumpy Old Man was standing over me, screaming! i was so stunned and shocked that at first i wasn’t entirely sure what was going on. i can't even really recall the words he used, but it went something like this:

“WHAT KIND OF IDIOT BRINGS A CELL PHONE TO YOGA! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE IT ON! YOU HAVE JUST RUINED MY WHOLE DAY!!!” and i was taken down in a hail of hate-speech while the whole stunned class looked on.

i apologized as quickly and as urgently as i could, saying i’m soooo sorry and it wont happen again and i really am so sorr-

But he didn’t want to hear it. He stormed off, rolled up his mat, and then came back for a second attack on his way out.

By now my mortification had caught up with me, and with the added trauma of being shouted at so robustly, so openly, so aggressively! all i wanted to do was cry. i gulped down my tears as he spat and shook, and watched helplessly as his face turned red then purple with the anger.

But i ask you... This right after he had just done a 90min yoga class?


Now i know i was in the wrong to begin with. i made a mistake and really should not have left my phone on. But come on, its YOGA! Not lawyers taking the bar! And it’s the ‘mommy’s’ class technically, with a bunch of housewives who all have toddlers at school or at home with a nanny and who need to be contactable at any given time, as most mommy’s do. The instructor knows this and so doesn’t have a problem with cell phones. But clearly grumpy old man does.

Another phone actually started ringing earlier during the class too. While we were all in the middle of our downward dogs, the yoga instructor cracked a joke about “Hey, there’s a doctor in the room?” and we all laughed and moved on to ‘plank’. The cell phone owner didn’t jump up to turn her phone off, incriminating herself in the process - she just let it ring. The ringing carried on till we were in 'Warrior One', but it didnt bother us. And of course, she didn’t get a verbal beating. Smart woman, who ever she was.

But sadly i wasn’t that savvy. Hence my drive-by yoga attack. Anyhow, as soon as Angry Man had huffed and puffed and blown out of the room, a whole bunch of the other students came rushing up to me asking if i was ok and saying how sorry they are and how bad that was of him. i was trying desperately not to cry so couldn’t talk much or be comforted for too long, but i did call a friend strait after (who usually also takes this class) to tell her all about it in tears. She strapped on her shining armor and went into ‘Defend’ mode full force! She called the instructor, the gym management and even the class coordinator to complain! Apparently she knows of the guy ‘cus he’s done this before. And the last time, the poor little thing he yelled at actually DID burst into tears in front of everyone.
Some men were just 'born this way'
The gym said that he complains regularly about all kinds of things, so unfortunately he's just one of those people who are never happy. Clearly he has anger management issues and is a bully who never got it knocked out of him when he was young. What kind of man picks on women like that? On anyone actually! He demands respect in the most dis-respectful way possible, and should not be allowed to keep doing it. i would LOVE to stand up to him and say something smart and cutting ("Excuse me Mr Angry Man, Yoga clearly isnt working for you. May i suggest medication?) or just , oh i dont know, PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!

Of course, after the fact, i came up with MANY a hot little biting come-back, or what i should do next time i see the yoga bully (stage a mass cell phone ringing epidemic where every member of the class’s phone rings at the same time)…but you know how it is. All the bravado that exists in our heads always seems to drop their boxing gloves and hide in corners shivering when we need them. Ugh.

But i guess if i retaliated, then i would be just as bad. 

Woooooo saaaaaaaahhhhh!

Anyway, after a few tears, a few laughs with my highly indignant friend and a promise of ‘acute bodily harm to the guy if i just say the word’ from Husband, i decided to rather forgive old Yoga Bully and focus on things that make me happy instead. Here is a short list i made this morning:

1. Husband. His broad shoulders are great for giving those really big bear hugs as well as work wonders for the imagination (when one is visualizing bullies being thumped down to size)

2. My Japanese snow boarder funky ski socks. So wooly and warm! And with playboy-cover stars all over them ;)
3. My ‘office’ – and my co-worker. We don’t judge fluff in our working space – we encourage it!
4. My piano teacher. She’s my age, dresses the same as me, likes the same things as me and most importantly speaks the same language! Not English (though she does speak English…it would make lessons really colourful if she didn’t) but ‘Music Nerd’. She is the only person i can talk music with for hours on end without any eye-rolling, any boredom or any confusion. We can have a full on conversation about Imogen Heap’s beautiful use of dissonant chords, or the genius behind Beethoven (and she “Wow’s”, “Amazing’s” and widens eyes emphatically in all the right places!) And when we use the phrase ‘Harmonious Amazonian’s’ we are not referring to their zen state of mind and well balanced being.
5. The view outside our window. The picture says it all. *sigh*

This weekend Husband is taking me away for some fishing, which means serene scenery, rolling green hills and fresh mountainey breathing. AND nice red wine by the fire while spotting satelites and shooting stars. All good for the soul. So i am very thankful that i can put Anger Man's abuse behind me and spend a little time relaxing in nature.

Again, *sigh!*

Love, lust and fairy-star-dust
Cherry Blossom

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

'Fish That Bite'

Those in the know, know that even though i am a girly sort of girl, i have been thoroughly converted to Fly-Fishism by Husband. Almost 3 years ago now, he introduced me to the idea of flying, tying, casting and (of course) catch-and-releasing, and i have been 'hooked' ever since! i thought it might be a good idea to introduce my obsession to this blog by taking you all back right to the begining, to when i had just gone on my very first fly-fishing weekend away. This letter is one i wrote about it back then, and was printed in The Complete Flyfisherman magazine. i figured it's a good intro to explaining the obsession, and so decided to copy and paste. Hope you dont mind!


 "For the past 29 years, I have spent my life avoiding lakes, rivers, dams, large puddles, and any other menacing bodies of water. Not, contrary to popular belief, for the fear of ruining my hair. No, it was because of my incessant unexplained childhood fear of ‘Fish That Bite.’ I would not venture near boats, walk too closely by lakey banks, or even dip my toes on the HOTTEST of days.

This year, my wonderfully optimistic boyfriend (now Husband) who has been fly fishing since he was 12 decided to give me the chance to be the bigger person and face that fear. Not one to say no to any new opportunity, i found myself on a full-on fly fishing weekend away, armed with what I like to call my Harry Potter rod, pink gum boots and DETERMINATION! Boyfriend spent most of the weekend swinging between a state of amazement and amusement…as i cast and cast and cast and CAST that damn belly-flopping line out into the (7 feet closer than) heart of the lake. 

Fortunately for me, he is a patiently supportive sort of man, who has tried this with enough previous girlfriends to know that i might not have taken to it like a fish to water right off the bat. And fortunately for him, i am relatively good natured and have the patience of a camel in a drought.

However, we were both pleasantly surprised by how much i loved it! The result was, and i say this with pride, one of the most exciting, exhilarating yet relaxing weekends away i have ever had! The peacefulness of the lake soaked through my soul. The thrill of the tug was intoxicating! And the best of all, was the greatest moment when i landed my first one! That 1.2kg rainbow trout was all that was needed to get us to the point where boyfriend had to literally drag me off the lake in the end! “One more cast, honey” must be the stuff that has broken marriages in the past. But in this case, it cemented an ever blooming romance…Fish and Woman.

Bringing in that fish, trying to keep the balance between keeping the line firm with not too much pull or slack, gave me flash backs to being all of 18 in my R2000 4thhand green&rust beetle, having Dad come out to what ever crazy hippy day ride i had taken to hook me up to his faithful Mercedes and tow me home for release. Ah, memories.

Point is, i caught a fish! On my first trip! Hats off to the girl in the pink boots, guys.

This one is called a 'Salmon Pink Glo Bug'
...and a personal favorite for obvious reasons...
Since then i have had lessons, got a whole new exciting wardrobe of fish activity related gear, and my very own fly box with cool little pairs of fluffy nymphs and fly’s. i have learnt to flatten the barbs so that i don't hurt the poor little fishies, and also so that it is easier to release them after bringing them in. 

And today, it was official. i am a flyfisher gal! i know this because i found myself reading boyfriend’s old fly fishing magazines in prep for our next weekend away. Me. Fishing magazines! They don't even have shoes in there! 

Boyfriend said if i practice, he would let me have a float tube which would involve me being even closer to the water! But no worries there, my fear has now been converted from ‘fish that bite’ to the HOPE that fish bite, and the bigger the fish the better!

 So the moral of the story is… Fly Fishing ROCKS! And i did it without messing up my hair ;) "

True to his word, Husband bought me this cute little 'float-tube'
- it may be blue, but has a pink stripe across the back ;)

Love, lust and fairy-star-dust
Cherry Blossom

Tuesday, 5 July 2011

These Are a Few of my Favorite Things

i've been sick in bed with a head cold for 2 days now, which always makes me feel wretched. Especially when i have word-deadlines to reach, husbands to feed, piano's to practice and house renevations to monitor. So i decided to give myself more than a pill-popping pick-me-up, but rather tap into my brain for a sparkly mag-pie spruce. This is the result: (If you know the tune to the original Sound of Music version  of 'These are a few of my favorite things', then sing along with me...)

Cocktails and corsets, and bright glitter swarsky.
Candi-cane stockings, tiara’s, Shimansky.
Bunny ears, Husband, and lace trimmed with bling.
These are a few of my favorite things…

Platinum and handbags and Pringle bikini’s.
Louis Vuitton, oh and sweet pink martini’s.
Salmon sashimi and champagne and swings.
These are a few of my favorite things…

When the bills come,
‘That-time-of-month’ comes,
When my hair goes flat
I simply remember my favorite things
And GHD brings me back!

Peep toes and highlights and cute hats with faces.
Solitaire diamonds and full glossy kisses.
Smudge-proof eye-liner, French manicuring.
These are a few of my favorite things...

Tsonga’s in purple with matching hand baggage.
Neck-scarves and sticky pink post-its and plumage.
Note-books and ball-points and Granny jersies.
These are a few of my favorite things!

When my shoes break
No massage for my back ache
When I’m feeling fat
I simply remember my favorite things
And cuddle with my book and cat.

Monkey and Betty and (of course) cherry blossoms
Orchids and Japanese theme koi pond gardens
Bright Mac eye make up, and snow, and Vida E
These are a few of my favorite things...

Fashion blog pictures and dress-ups and magnets
Sophie Kinsella books, Mz Monroe trinkets
Lock down with Husband and sleeping till three
These are a few of my favorite things...

When the bell rings,
The damn alarm brrrrings
And wakes me from dreamland
I simply remember my favorite things
(and roll over and see Husband)
And then I don’t feeeeeeeelllll soooooo baaaaaaddddddd

Love, lust and fairy-star-dust
Cherry Blossom